


Broken Trust

by jstabe



Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-12
Updated: 2008-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-19 12:30:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/200865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jstabe/pseuds/jstabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Something inside you shatters as you realize that this can't be the first time this has happened.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Trust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [livejournal's Jammin' July](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=livejournal%27s+Jammin%27+July).



You stare in complete shock at the scene before you, your mind refusing to believe what you’re seeing. Your hands clench into fists at your sides and for some reason the same lines keep repeating in your head.

 _That can’t be Nick. Nick’s in Florida with Howie until tomorrow. That can’t be Nick…_

But this is Nick’s house, Nick’s bedroom, and this is really happening and all you can do is watch. Watch as hands decorated with ink and silver slide down Nick’s back, see fingertips skim along the “Kaos” tattoo on Nick’s spine. How many times have you followed that same path? Felt the satin of Nick’s skin under your palms, tasted the salt tang as you traced those same letters with your tongue?

Watch as AJ’s legs wrap around Nick’s hips, pulling him closer. How many times have you been in that same position? Nick’s body over yours, holding you down as his cock drives deep, stealing your breath and driving you crazy.

You can hear AJ’s voice, the smoky rasp deeper with his arousal, begging Nick for _more, harder, deeper_. Hear Nick’s throaty chuckle as he gently teases AJ for his lack of patience. AJ grumbles something in response and one hand comes up, fingers combing through Nick’s hair in a gesture that somehow seems more intimate than anything else you’ve seen tonight.

Your eyes narrow and you notice the way they move together, slow and easy. Familiar. Something inside you shatters as you realize that this can’t be the first time this has happened. You must make some sort of sound because suddenly the two men on the bed are breaking apart and really, that’s more of AJ than you’ve ever wanted to see. A hysterical laugh wells up and you stomp on it ruthlessly. You’re the oldest, the mature one, and you don’t do hysterical.

You watch, this time with almost clinical detachment, as your lover and your best friend scramble for clothes, identical looks of guilt painted on their faces. You listen as they both speak at once, apologies and explanations tumbling out so fast you almost can’t understand them. Without a word, you turn and leave the room. At the bottom of the stairs, you hesitate. You should leave; just get in the car and go without waiting for Nick to catch up, but somehow that seems childish. Pride won’t allow you to slink off with your tail tucked between your legs so instead of leaving, you turn and head to Nick’s study and the fully stocked bar.

Behind the bar is the bottle of Makers Mark that Nick keeps just for you. You pour yourself a drink on auto pilot, thankful that the movements are second nature and you don’t have to think about them. The ice in the glass clinks softly as you lift it to your mouth and you realize that your hand is shaking. You down the first drink almost without tasting it and let the alcohol steady your nerves. By the time Nick arrives, you’re pouring your second drink and there’s no visible tremor in the hand that lifts the glass this time.

Nick hovers in the doorway and you stare dispassionately at him. He’s wearing nothing but an unbuttoned pair of jeans and just a day ago- hell, even an hour ago- you’d have thought he was the sexiest person you’d ever seen. Now, all you can see are AJ’s hands on that golden skin. Your fingers tighten on the glass and you have to force yourself to relax your hand. The silence drags on and you’re prepared to stand there all night when Nick finally speaks.

“Look, Kevin, I…” He stops and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t really know what to say.”

You shrug and take another sip of your whiskey. “I don’t think there’s anything you can say.”

Nick swallows hard and steps further into the room. “We didn’t plan this, you know? It just happened.”

“Do you think that makes this better, Nick?”

“No. I know it doesn’t. I just… I don’t want you to think that AJ and I planned this. That we meant to hurt you. Because we didn’t, Kevin, I swear it. It’s just something that happened.”

“Right. Just something that happened.” Your voice is devoid of inflection and Nick’s gaze slides away from yours. “Just something that happened two, three times? More? How long have you been fucking AJ, Nick?”

Nick flinches, eyes filling with misery. “A couple of months. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sure you are.”

Your voice is still flat and Nick’s turns pleading.

“Kevin, please. I want to make this right.”

Another shrug and you’re perfecting the art of feigned nonchalance. “Were you careful?”

“What… why are you asking me that?”

“AJ hasn’t been out of rehab that long. You and I both know how he was when he was drunk or high.”

The look on Nick’s face tells its own tale and you shake your head as you down the last of the whiskey in your glass. Frustration crosses Nick’s face.

“Come on, Kevin. I know you’re pissed at me. Just let it out. Yell at me, bitch me out. Do… something.”

“You don’t want that.”

“Yes I do!” Nick says, exasperated. “Just get it out and then we can talk. I can explain and maybe…”

Nick’s voice trails off, eyes going wide as the glass you threw shatters against the wall not far from his head. His eyes are full of shock as you come around the bar and advance toward him and you can see a flicker of fear in them.

“Explain? You think an explanation is going to fix this?”

You stop in front of Nick and even though he doesn’t step back you can tell that he wants to. Bittersweet satisfaction makes you smile harshly.

“Maybe you’re right, Nick. Maybe I’m just not seeing the big picture. So go ahead, explain. Explain to me how I’m supposed to get over the fact that you’ve been lying to me for months. Tell me how to be okay with the fact that your stupidity put not only your life at risk, but mine too.”

Nick’s eyes are bright with unshed tears and that snaps what little control you have left. Nick caused this; why should he be allowed the luxury of tears that you can’t allow yourself? You grab his arms just above the elbow and shove him back against the wall, hard. Your face is inches from his and you refuse to see the pain mixing with fear in his eyes.

“Honestly, though? What I’d really like for you to explain is how I’m supposed to forgive and forget when I’m going to be reminded of this every day. Did you ever think of that? That the man you chose to cheat on me with is someone I thought was closer to me than my own brothers. How am I supposed to forgive you when I have to see you with AJ every single fucking day for the rest of the tour? Explain that one to me, Nick, because if you can fix _that_? I’ll be really fucking impressed.”

A tear finally slides down Nick’s cheek, but he doesn’t say a word and you shove him away from you in disgust.

“That’s what I thought.”

When you leave the study, Nick doesn’t follow. As you walk into the foyer, you can see AJ on the stairs and the look on his face tells you that he’s heard everything.

“Kevin…”

“Save it, AJ. I’m not interested.”

Outside, you stand on Nick’s porch for a minute and breathe deep, crisp air burning your lungs. When your vision blurs, you tell yourself that the tears are from the bite of the January air and not from the searing ache you feel in your chest. You blink them back and straighten your spine, crossing the driveway to where you left your car. You don’t allow yourself to look back.


End file.
